Why are men violent?
Is anger a man thing? Be it Indian diplomat Anil Verma in London, who beat up his wife over a Christmas tree scuffle, or the pilot who drove his car over the restaurant manager in Delhi's posh Khan Market after a heated road rage incident. Increasingly, we hear incidents of road rage, physical abuse or destruction of objects as commonly witnessed expressions of angry men. The big question is: Are men more prone to violence? According to Science Daily, the answer is: Yes. Historically, all warriors have been male. Most interpersonal violent crimes have been done by men. Statistics reveal that 90 per cent of murderers and 82 per cent of other violent criminals are male.
Says IT consultant Suresh Shivaram, "Anger is a personal trait. For instance, if I'm driving, following all the traffic rules, and the person in front of me isn't, it makes me angry. Anger is a burst of emotions."
Scratch the surface of some suave, sophisticated guys and you see seething, simmering discomfort and anger. Says lawyer Pinky Anand, "Most men have a false sense of power and ego. When they get angry, it's a sign of aggression. Even in wars, we see victory as a sign of power. In society, men are told to project their aggression and not hold back their anger. Till recently, only men could inherit property and men who flaunted their anger were thought to be superior. But it's time we changed our societal emotions."
The masculine features heavy brows and an angular face overlap with an angry expression. Analyses a corporate executive, "It's our own insecurities that drive us to aggression and violence. If a man is comfortable with his wife's achievements, then he won't feel insecure. But various things play in his mind... if she has meetings after 6 pm, then it isn't considered legitimate, whereas it's fine for him to work beyond working hours."
More surprising, perhaps, is new research suggesting that the connection between men and anger and women and happiness goes deeper th! an these simple social stereotypes, regardless of how valid they are. Psychologist D. Vaughan Becker believes, an angry man is one of the most dangerous characters around. A research by Harvard University reports women are less afflicted than men by overconfidence, or the delusion that they know more than they really do.
Says actor Anupam Kher, "A man grows up thinking he is better off than the fairer sex. His parents flaunt it if he has many girlfriends. Men also have fewer outlets for their anger. They don't share what's on their mind and rarely cry, which comes out in form of anger or violence. Things like personal inadequacy, job dissatisfaction all add up to that. Men are supposed to be the head of the family. If anything goes wrong, it makes them feel frustrated. The otherwise sophisticated, polished men are often spotted engaged in road rage incidents."
Adds actor Rahul Dev, "There can be many trigger points in a normal day a bad morning, a day not going as planned, your child not listening to you, missing a flight, a difficult boss, etc. Or perhaps, one is not on top on the personal or professional front. That can make you disgruntled and upset. And yes, men do lose their temper more often than women. Women are calmer and better with handling sticky situations. They are better problem solvers and emotionally stronger."
But anger isn't a macho thing anymore. A Harvard study reveals, 10 million adult men in the United States are so angry, they're ill. In fact, their disease has a name: intermittent explosive disorder, or IED. Few people see psychiatrists because they can't control their tempers. Adds psychiatrist Dr Avdesh Sharma, "Men are encouraged to express their emotions, even anger, while women are told to hide negative emotions. Men play with guns and girls with dolls. Scientifically, men are more violent. Rape isn't a sexual act, it's about demeaning the other person and showing aggression."
According to psychologist Janek Pandey, also vice-chancellor at the C! entral U niversity, Patna, "When there is no social mechanism to stop you or condemn your action, then anger and violence can be rampant. Men use violence and aggression to bend another person to their will."
In fact, men seem to embrace their anger and use it to their advantage whereas women view anger as counter-productive. Says Vihaan, who works for Save Indian Family Foundation, "Men can be barbaric when it comes to losing their temper. They believe in shortcuts, banging someone and having their way. They also know they are the physically stronger sex and don't hide that emotion at all. They believe less in talking and more in being tough."
Testosterone levels are high and men just can't keep cool under duress. Anger is instinctive. However, an act of anger may be more a sign of weakness than a display of strength!
How to curb your anger...
If you spot any violent behaviour, be it office or home, there has to be a punishment to show it is unacceptable.
Balance the roles of boys and girls within families. Be liberal in what girls are allowed to do, and stop boys from throwing tantrums.
Look for acceptable ways of venting out anger and frustration.
Try anger management techniques: Communicate and talk about what disturbs you.
Says IT consultant Suresh Shivaram, "Anger is a personal trait. For instance, if I'm driving, following all the traffic rules, and the person in front of me isn't, it makes me angry. Anger is a burst of emotions."
Scratch the surface of some suave, sophisticated guys and you see seething, simmering discomfort and anger. Says lawyer Pinky Anand, "Most men have a false sense of power and ego. When they get angry, it's a sign of aggression. Even in wars, we see victory as a sign of power. In society, men are told to project their aggression and not hold back their anger. Till recently, only men could inherit property and men who flaunted their anger were thought to be superior. But it's time we changed our societal emotions."
The masculine features heavy brows and an angular face overlap with an angry expression. Analyses a corporate executive, "It's our own insecurities that drive us to aggression and violence. If a man is comfortable with his wife's achievements, then he won't feel insecure. But various things play in his mind... if she has meetings after 6 pm, then it isn't considered legitimate, whereas it's fine for him to work beyond working hours."
More surprising, perhaps, is new research suggesting that the connection between men and anger and women and happiness goes deeper th! an these simple social stereotypes, regardless of how valid they are. Psychologist D. Vaughan Becker believes, an angry man is one of the most dangerous characters around. A research by Harvard University reports women are less afflicted than men by overconfidence, or the delusion that they know more than they really do.
Says actor Anupam Kher, "A man grows up thinking he is better off than the fairer sex. His parents flaunt it if he has many girlfriends. Men also have fewer outlets for their anger. They don't share what's on their mind and rarely cry, which comes out in form of anger or violence. Things like personal inadequacy, job dissatisfaction all add up to that. Men are supposed to be the head of the family. If anything goes wrong, it makes them feel frustrated. The otherwise sophisticated, polished men are often spotted engaged in road rage incidents."
Adds actor Rahul Dev, "There can be many trigger points in a normal day a bad morning, a day not going as planned, your child not listening to you, missing a flight, a difficult boss, etc. Or perhaps, one is not on top on the personal or professional front. That can make you disgruntled and upset. And yes, men do lose their temper more often than women. Women are calmer and better with handling sticky situations. They are better problem solvers and emotionally stronger."
But anger isn't a macho thing anymore. A Harvard study reveals, 10 million adult men in the United States are so angry, they're ill. In fact, their disease has a name: intermittent explosive disorder, or IED. Few people see psychiatrists because they can't control their tempers. Adds psychiatrist Dr Avdesh Sharma, "Men are encouraged to express their emotions, even anger, while women are told to hide negative emotions. Men play with guns and girls with dolls. Scientifically, men are more violent. Rape isn't a sexual act, it's about demeaning the other person and showing aggression."
According to psychologist Janek Pandey, also vice-chancellor at the C! entral U niversity, Patna, "When there is no social mechanism to stop you or condemn your action, then anger and violence can be rampant. Men use violence and aggression to bend another person to their will."
In fact, men seem to embrace their anger and use it to their advantage whereas women view anger as counter-productive. Says Vihaan, who works for Save Indian Family Foundation, "Men can be barbaric when it comes to losing their temper. They believe in shortcuts, banging someone and having their way. They also know they are the physically stronger sex and don't hide that emotion at all. They believe less in talking and more in being tough."
Testosterone levels are high and men just can't keep cool under duress. Anger is instinctive. However, an act of anger may be more a sign of weakness than a display of strength!
How to curb your anger...
If you spot any violent behaviour, be it office or home, there has to be a punishment to show it is unacceptable.
Balance the roles of boys and girls within families. Be liberal in what girls are allowed to do, and stop boys from throwing tantrums.
Look for acceptable ways of venting out anger and frustration.
Try anger management techniques: Communicate and talk about what disturbs you.
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