You dont get older, you get better really
TOKYO, Aug 30 Jokes about creaky knees, thinning hair and spreading or vanishing waistlines have long been an inevitable, if unwelcome, part of watching the birthdays pile up.
But it shouldnt be that way, argues Wendy Lustbader, who maintains that youth, with all its insecurities and confusion, is more of a burden than the golden age society says it is, with aging far from a gloomy decline.
But its really the opposite. When you really get to know elders, when you hang out with them as much as I have, its the elders who really feel bad for the young people because they have so much suffering to go through.
To illustrate this somewhat unusual view, in the centrepiece of her recent book Life Gets Better Lustbader relates the story of telling a group of fellow travellers on a tour bus, most of whom were young, that they shouldnt worry because these are the worst years of your lives.
Looks of obvious relief greeted this, and several of the young people later came up to her and confessed to having felt depressed and suicidal, but that her words helped.
We are just in such dread, we just think this must be the good part and whats coming later must be terrible. Lots of things get hurt with that attitude, she said.
Lustbader argues, through a series of real-life examples from her years as a social worker and therapist, research findings and personal experience, that a! s people age they let go of a lot of the worries of their youth.
In addition, the experiences of life both bad and good teach acceptance and enjoyment of what people actually have, rather than what they might hope for, with priorities often shifting from material things to people.
So many things that really seem to matter so much when youre younger just dont matter, and thats why we get so much freer ... All the elders talk about this sense of freedom, she said.
But not everyone manages to negotiate their later years with contentment. People who are too self-centred to build long-standing relationships may find themselves alone and unhappy, with Lustbader forced to include her own late mother in their number.
In addition, the ageism of many Western societies, where seniors are regarded with pity and often patronised in contrast to the respect given them in places such as Mexico and Asian nations makes things tough as well.
Lustbader also emphasises that she doesnt want to play down the undeniable physical difficulties of ageing, noting that losses in mobility and strength are losses that do have to be grieved.
This all leads ultimately to an almost Buddhist acceptance and added zest for the good in life because people also know about the bad.
Thats what a lot of older adults come to because of all the things theyve been through, she said.
Theres so much about getting older that we cant know until were there, the interior part of it. We only see the exterior when were young, and were fooled by that. Reuters
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