I didnt think I drank a lot, until I stopped and it took years off me!
So Chris Evans, famous hell-raiser, has given up drinking! And he hasnt made a song and dance about it, either. Hes just said that, after three decades of drinking, hed like to see what hes like completely sober.
He didnt hit rock bottom. He didnt wail and moan about his addiction and go into rehab or join Alcoholics Anonymous. He just said that after a particularly long drinking session he felt weird and then decided to stop.
I want to know what Im really like completely sober, he explained. And to see if I can achieve more without the highs and lows of the gay days and fuggy haze of booze.
Teetotal: This year agony aunt Virginia Ironside stopped drinking and says it has transformed her life in many ways
Now, an old agony aunt like me could never compare herself with 45-year-old Chris Evans, who was reputed to be able to down 20 pints of lager a day. I never have been a hell-raiser. But this year I, too, stopped drinking, and it has transformed my life in ways I could never have imagined notleast because its the first time Ive tried it.
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From the age of 16 (more than 50 years ago) Ive lasted only a ! few week s at most without drinking something, and that was only when I was in hospital or in a country where drinking just wasnt possible. The rest of the time, theres barely been a day when I hadnt drunk a little, and usually more than a little.
Drinking is what my generation does and particularly what my occupation does. And even though I grew out of lunchtime drinking in the Eighties, when everyone was at it, I still continued to drink in the evenings and could easily knock back a bottle of wine over the course of a day.
Fresh start: The now sober Chris Evans was reputed to be able to down 20 pints of lager a day
Now, dont get me wrong. I wasnt a lush. I have very rarely appeared drunk. Indeed, Im one of those people who the more they drink, the tighter rein they keep on their behaviour. And when I say I havent drunk alcohol for months now, even my closest friends reply: But you were never a big drinker anyway!
But while the truth is that I never appeared to be a big drinker, in fact I nearly always had a few glasses of wine before I went out for an evening. And at the point I gave up, I was starting to have a small something in the day as well; I was pretty obsessed with gin and tonic. I knew the alcohol content of most bottles of wine, and Id talk about drink obsessively with other women of my age who were also worried about much they drank.
Unusual? Not these days. For I was one of the recently identified middle-class professionals who drink almost every day, and one of the 15 per cent of women who drink more than twice the recommended levels on at least one day a week if not more.
I started to worry, particularly since my mother was a real alcoholic, the sort who became seriously ill with liver damage and had bottles of drink stashed in her bed. Perhaps I had a problem, too? Not a huge one, like my mothers, but a problem all the same. Suddenly, at 67,! I thoug ht that I had drunk enough. Cutting down had never worked for me in the past, so the only thing to do was to give up completely. But how?
Almost one in four middle-class drinkers admit to having double the recommended daily limit at least once a week
Two factors played their part. The firstwas a nasty car accident. I hadnt had more than a glass of wine and wasnt breathalysed, but what if I had? The humiliation! The inconvenience! Agony aunt on drink-drive charge the prospect of thatheadline made me squirm.
The second was reading an amazing book. Anyone whos been around real alcohol addicts as long as I have (and Ive had many boyfriends whose lives were nearly ruined by alcohol) inevitably find themselves drawn to the odd stop drinking book.
So I dragged Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey a book Ive often recommended to people who seem addicted to drink or drugs off my bookshelf to re-read, and was struck by the authors first sentence: Over a decade ago, I defeated my own 20-year-old addiction to alcohol by stubbornly refusing to drink any more of it.
Here was a man who didnt believe alcoholism was a disease, didnt believe that there was anything involved in giving up except for two things. First, the ability to recognise the addictive voice, the one which says: Youll never be able to stop; just the one; youre only a social drinker; you need a drink.
And, second, having the willpower to refuse to listen to it. But in a victim culture, weve started to believe we cant do anything without help from withdrawal programmes to 12-step groups to counselling to rehab, when nine times out of ten the answer is that we usually can.
The majority of people with alcohol problems give up on their own. Even my mother did eventually. But the disease model presents people as victims, different from others and special, which makes it attractive to addicts, absolving them of responsibility. But youre not out of control when you drink; youre in control.! Its you who pulls out the glass, you who fills it with booze, and you who lifts it to your lips and swallows. No one else does it for you.
Youre not in denial, either; thats another cop out. Every drinker knows exactly how much they drink. After reading the book, I stopped drinking for a week. Then I thought: Well, just one more week. Then one more and now Im really not sure that I will start again. Ever.
The minor downside is that I dont like parties as much as I used to. But thats a small price to pay for the many pluses to giving up. My minds much clearer and faster than it used to be. I never realised I was going round in a slight fog until I stopped drinking, when everything suddenly become crystal-clear.
Im sleeping better and wake up in the mornings feeling far less anxious and unhappy than I used to. Dont get me wrong. Even now, I sometimes wake up wondering what the point is of being alive. But its a lot better than the old panic and misery that had to be fought through every morning for an hour before the horror began to drift away.
If parties are a bit of a stretch, I can cope easily with dinner parties, even when everyone else is falling over drunk beside me. And, if Im the host, I can remain alert and jolly till the end of the evening instead of, as I used to do, start to tire after about 9.30pm, wishing my guests would go home.
I have a great deal more time to do things, not drained by that faintly headachey feeling that lingers during the following day until the next drink briefly picks you up in the evening. Ive even started a new career as a granny who does occasional stand-up comedy. And I reckon Im saving almost 2,000 a year by not buying booze (equivalent to half a 10 bottle of wine a night). That means I feel I can deserve lots of treats that Id deny myself in the past.
Though occasionally I think: Golly, it would be nice to have a glass of champagne, the feeling usually passes quickly. I have a tonic water instead, with ice and lemon or a splash of ! bitters. And every time I drive late at night, I just long to be stopped by the police. Just so I can breathe into the officers face with confidence and say: Go ahead. Breathalyse me. You see I dont drink.
Virginia Ironside performs The Virginia Monologues, Why Growing Old Is Great at the Soho Theatre on Saturday. See www.soholitfest.co.uk.
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