How a Woman's Hour question about her husband's love affair silenced Jilly Cooper
When Jilly Cooper wrote a book of advice for married women, one tip was that a wife should sometimes turn a blind eye to her husbands affairs because they can blow over.
Now the 1969 book, How To Stay Married, has been reissued and yesterday the best-selling novelist was asked in a radio interview to discuss how her wisdom has stood the test of time.
But clearly the pain of her own husbands six-year affair in the 1990s still lingers, because her response was a deafening silence.
Jilly and Leo Cooper: Their marriage has survived his affair - but the subject led to an awkward silence when Jilly was questioned about it on Woman's Hour
Mrs Cooper, talking on the phone, fell silent for nine seconds an age in radio terms leaving interviewer Dame Jenni Murray to check that the line had not gone dead.
The conversation on Radio 4s Womans Hour had started easily enough, with Dame Jenni asking a few soft questions about whether it was appropriate for women to dress up for their husbands.
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But she then asked the 74-year-old, speaking from her marital home in Gloucestershire, whether she still be! lieved t hat a married woman should ignore it if her husband has cheated on her.
Dame Jenni said: Just one other thing, Jilly. You suggested in the book that an affair might blow over if you turn a blind eye. How useful did you find your own advice when Leo strayed in the 1990s?
Jenni Murray questioned Mrs Cooper about her suggestion that an affair might blow over if you turn a blind eye
There then followed the embarrassing silence, which ended only when Dame Jenni tentatively asked: Hello? Mrs Cooper replied: Hello, before saying: I dont want to talk about it.
Undeterred, Dame Jenni said: You dont want to talk about it. I just wondered if you had followed your own advice.
Mrs Cooper said: Well sometimes in marriage you love someone very much, you worry about them being in love with somebody else.
You think they might meet some pretty woman at a party, but I think you try and keep your trap shut, but when you are confronted by something you have to say, Please stop this.
This year Mrs Cooper and her husband Leo, who has Parkinsons disease, celebrated 50 years of married life together.
The affair referred to was when he had kept a mistress, Sarah Johnson, for six years.
His wife lost a stone in weight when she learned of it and said afterwards: You never get over it but it has made me a more humble person. I think I was rather smug and took everything for granted.
While her book of marriage tips has now been reissued, one controversial piece of advice has been removed.
It said: You deserve to be cheated on if you are not available for sex for two days in a row.
Mrs Cooper said: I took it out because it was a terrible thing to say.
But she later added: Sex is so lovely, it does cheer people up, it does bring people together and make people happy.
To go on saying no all the time is a bit depressing.
In sickness and health: Jilly and Leo Cooper in 1982. The affair referred to was when he had kept a mistress, Sarah Johnson, for six years
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