X Factor 2011: Kelly Rowland lets rip on drugs, bullying and feuds

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When Kelly Rowland first appeared on X Factor, Simon Cowell sent a photograph of himself to congratulate her.

I put it next to my flowers, she says. I love Simon. He calls me Lippy now. Which I guess is a British saying. Ive never heard it before. He says, Thanks Lippy for everything because I have a big mouth.

She laughs. Just as Simon must be doing. Either that or showering her with signed mug shots. For, as those who follow X Factor know, the so-called war of the judges is about the only thing thats stopped viewers waltzing off en masse to BBC1s Strictly Come Dancing this year.

From catfights with Tulisa to leaving her acts in the lurch the X Factor's Kelly Rowland sets the record straight

And its Lippy whos been at the forefront of the spats, giving it both barrels. Theres been the catfight with Tulisa Contostavlos over the bullying row surrounding Kellys act Misha B, the set-to with Louis Walsh when he dared to say what we were all thinking about talentless wannabe rock star Frankie Cocozza before he was booted off the show, her extremely rare illness that saw her leave the show for a week, the would-she-wouldnt- she return saga.

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I was ill, says Kelly, I didnt know what was wrong with me. I stopped eating and drinking, and got so dehydrated the doctor put me on a drip. I was so sick I had to postpone everything. It was such a slap in the face when people said I was faking.

I was so sick I had to postpone everything... It was such a slap in the face when people said I was faking

And the catfight with Tulisa? In the heat of the moment the passion gets to all of us, she says. But I make my own decisions. I dont hide behind anybody. I am the captain. I put on my big girl shoes and my big girl pants. I stand in my big girl shoes

Which isnt strictly true. Kelly, 30, is actually wearing a pair of rather nice shiny boots today. Well, she is until she takes one off to show me a tattoo on her foot, which says Gods gift. Much the same as the words Tulisa is said to have been muttering behind Kellys back, although prefixed with

Going strong: Kelly says she doesn't hide behind anybody and makes her own decisions

She thinks shes plus a few choice adjectives. So, how are the two of them getting on now? We have agreed to disagree, she says. I wont agree with everything Gary says. I wont a! gree wit h everything Louis says, nor Tulisa. When she said what she said [Tulisa accused Misha B of bullying other contestants] I thought it was completely out of line and the wrong timing. I thought it was just not right. It hurt Misha. I was really kind of heated. Which is Lippyspeak for very, very cross. But to not talk to her would be very pre-school, she adds, and Im an adult.

The show has been trying to shrug off a reputation for sleaze since last year, when risqu pre-watershed performances by guest stars Rihanna and Christina Aguilera prompted hundreds of complaints. But the controversy plumbed new depths when wayward teenager Frankie was sacked from the show for his apparent glamorisation of alcohol and allegations hed taken drugs. Does Kelly have any sympathy for him.

Yeah, poor guy, says Kelly, who admits she was stunned when she heard the news. What should stand is what people do on stage. Off-stage Kelly is pulling out all the stops to make sure her acts win. Ive worked my butt off. Theres nothing wrong with being competitive. Ive been spending until 1am with the girls [sassy Misha B, 19, and shy 16-year-old Janet Devlin remain in the competition when we speak]. Im grooming them to become international artists. What I dont like being a part of, though, is telling somebody, No. Devastating them. I said to Simon, Oh my God, what if Im a part of that? I know how that feels.

Kelly was kicked off the American TV talent show Star Search when she was just 12. She was appearing with Beyonc in the group Girls Tyme, a forerunner to one of the most successful girl bands of all time, Destinys Child. It was, she says, like my world had ended. You felt youd had your heart ripped out. Ill always remember hearing, This band whatever the name was gets four stars and Girls Tyme gets three stars.

So yes, I know absolutely how it feels when youre voted off X Factor. I know what its like, too, to have a meeting with a production company and have the excitement of thinking your! e one st ep closer to being signed and then it doesnt happen. So you try again. Then you get a record deal and then you get dropped. Then you get signed again but you have to wait five years to get a record out. All these things happened to me.

And this is the thing about Kelly. Yes, shes lippy. Yes, a lot of what she says gets lost in translation. And, yes, she can be a bit full of herself. But when she stops clattering about in her big girls shoes, she can be as soft as kid leather. Kelly, who has to date sold 82 million records worldwide, did not have much of a start in life. Born in Atlanta, Georgia, the daughter of Doris Rowland Garrison and Christopher Lovett, she was seven when her mother left her abusive, alcoholic father and took her to Houston, Texas.

Destiny's Child (from left Beyonce Knowles, Michelle Williams and Kelly Rowland) pose in 2004

Once there, she formed a friendship and began to sing in a group with Beyonc Knowles. Soon, shed moved into their family home. Music was my escape, she says. It still is. I probably felt like I missed out not having a father. I would look at kids at school and see their dads pick them up and that was something I missed. Every little girl wants to be a daddys girl. Its great when your father can tell you youre beautiful.

You wont hear it said like that from the rest of the world. I felt disconnected in a way, and its only music that makes me feel completely connected. I dreamt of singing since I saw Whitney Houston on TV when I was four years old. I was so young and didnt know how it was going to happen until my mother took me to Texas and I met Beyonc. As teenagers Beyonc and Kelly worked our butts off to make their mark in the music industry and Beyoncs father Mathew, who began! managin g them, became a surrogate father of sorts.

I wanted that wedding. I wanted to be married. I wanted to have kids. At that time I was crazily talking about wanting five. You can just make wrong decisions in life.

They achieved heady success with Destinys Child, selling more than 40 million records worldwide, with hits such as Survivor and Say My Name. Mathew Knowles continued to manage Kelly when the group broke up in 2006, but her solo career was never as successful. In 2009 she decided to split from Knowles and spent her first lengthy period of time in Britain to promote her music.

I put on my big girls shoes and began to make my own decisions. You cant hide behind anybody. There were reports of a rift with Beyonc at that time, until she, too, changed her management team a year later. Kelly says now that she never felt lonelier in her life. That was a hard period for me. I was staying in the Westbury Hotel in Mayfair and I remember being so tired. Each day was work, work, work. Its like your body and your mind start saying, You need a break but I kept going. Finally I almost had a nervous breakdown because I was so tired and so homesick. I just wanted to see somebody Id known all my life.

My best friend had a baby and I wasnt there to see the baby born. That kind of stuff. I get choked up even nowtalking about it because I wasnt there. Kellys eyes are swimming with tears now. She wipes them away. So now its important to me to share those moments with my friends and with my family. I wouldnt miss the birth of Beyoncs baby [Beyonc is due to give birth early next year]. I cant. I dont want to miss those moments.

Friction: Kelly with fellow X Factor judges (from left) Louis Walsh, Tula Contostavlos, Gary Barlow

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