'Thanksgiving Third Degree' from parents during holiday visit forces women to buy fake engagement rings
There are roughly 55 million single women in the U.S., many of them with-it, smokin' and smart, with their finger on the pulse of life.
But when that certain finger is ringless, even the most self-assured single dreads the shame and rebuke of disappointed family during a visit home.
The holidays are known to cause stress to scores of single women in the throes of 'The Panic Years', who dub the annual visit-cum-interrogation the 'Thanksgiving Third Degree'.
Now some women have admitted to buying fake, cheap 'engagement rings' just to prevent parents - andother overly-critical family members - from delivering ridicule and judgement over their single status.
Brilliant idea? Many women are buying fake engagement rings in a bid to avoid the Thanksgiving Third Degree from family over their unmarried status
Sometimes it's downright soul-crushing when you come home for the holidays empty-handed - literally - watching your family members' faces crumble in disappointment that you're back another year without any engagement bling.
Heather, a 31-year old lawyer from New York, was well on her way to being both unhitched and unhinged, thanks to her mother's persistent pestering about marriage.
She feared that the constant nagging could destroy not just her own sanity, but threaten her long-time relationship with her boyfriend, Tony, who was regularly interrogated about his intentions from his would-be mother-in-law.
'I couldnt take my mom's nagging anymore,' she said. 'I had been dating Tony for two years and it was driving my mother crazy that I was already 30 and we werent engaged yet.'
Well aware that showing up without a ring for the holidays would taint the mood of the entire weekend, she became very resourceful.
'I knew that if I wasn't engaged by the time I saw her, it would be a weekend of more nagging hell'
'I knew that if I wasn't engaged by the time I saw her, it would be a weekend of more nagging hell,' she explained.With only a few shopping days left, Heather was in the market for an engagement ring. For herself. And from herself. She found a convincing-enough engagement ring in Chinatown that she passed off as the real deal.
The ruse worked a treat with her family.
'I got a fake ring for 30 bucks just to shut her up,' she said. 'It actually worked and it turned into a really great visit!'
Just three months later, Heather had a real ring to show off. Tony proposed on their own timetable - on Valentine's Day - and her mother was never the wiser.
Heather says buying herself some extra time so her mother wouldn't have a meltdown was the best thing she could have done for herself.
But the fauxgagement ring has become a lightning rod topic for women on both si! des of t he wedding aisle, and there is a vocal camp of women who are outraged about the fake showmanship and consider it an extreme solution to appeasing one's family.
Irina, 26, also from New York, comes from a very traditional Russian family and feels a very real pressure tomarry. She says it is mad to construct such a web of lies and convoluted stories for the sake of parental validation.
Compromise: The Ah ring has proved a hit with stars who are, as the diamond design symbolises, available and happy
'People who need to lie to their parents to feel validated clearly have issues aside from the usual pressure to get married.'
But one jeweller believes she has the perfect compromise in the form of the 'Ah' ring.
Ruta Fox's $350 design - created specifically forsingle women who are both (A) available and (H) happy is gold and studded with diamonds.
'I know the holidays can be tough for single women, but The Ah Ring is for joyful, confident single women and areminder that you can be available and happy and single and wearing it symbolises that,' she said.
The idea has certainly proved a hit with the A-list. Tyra Banks, Teri Hatcher and Anne Hathaway all wear the Ah ring, as does Oprah Winfrey, probably the most famous ummarried woman in America.
'Instead of waiting for Mr Right to give you a ring, wouldn't it be phenomenal if you could decide that you're worth getting one for yourself?' she asked.
Cheryl Gentry, a media specialist in NewYork, even stacks several Ah rings at a time.
'Guys especially like it and they ask if I'll still wear them when I'm in a committed relationship,' she said. 'I tell them yes, but its meaning will cha! nge to " attached and happy."
'Not until I get the "other" ring will I take these off. Engaged woman have their ring, married women have their ring, so why shouldn't single, smart, successful women reward themselves?'
Doree Lewak is a New York-based author of The Panic Years: A Guide to Surviving Smug Married Friends, Bad Taffeta, and Life on the Wrong Side of 25 Without a Ring (Broadway Books)
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